allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just found a bag of teeth...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
