Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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