you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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