So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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