I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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