Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I still have a little drunk in my system
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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