His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
