Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
