whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
