the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
