I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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