Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?