Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
