I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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