I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.