Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.