nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>