I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
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he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
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I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho