I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.