Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial