i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
