Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
