This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
