barbara walters just said penis...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
