Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
