I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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