I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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