those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
