how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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