I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
