hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
