don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
