I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
