If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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