people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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