i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
