Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
