I'm really into asian looking animals
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
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She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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