I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
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At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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