I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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