In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
