Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
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i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
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I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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