I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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