...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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