ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
