chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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