You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
