You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
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The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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