The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
