John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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