omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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