I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
