if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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