So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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