i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
